Applecart

So last week I went to the Apple Cart festival in Bethnal Green just as rioting was gripping our capital.

The trip was a bit last minute after chatting to my friend Lucy in the morning and deciding to pop in to meet her and her boyfriend. I had actually flirted with the idea of open toe shoes, jovially laughing at the silly people on Twitter discussing the practicality of wellies; oh how stupid was I...?

I may point out at this juncture that I'm not exactly a girly girl: a singing teacher actually once said, whilst trying to sort my character 'type' based on clothing style and personality that I'm not exactly a tomboy but I am "rather boyish"; therefore I'm not a tomboy which is a girl that is a bit boyish, oh no I am actually 'boy-like' - thanks.

I decided to go in cloth 'Babycham' trainers which ended up covered in mud: IDIOT. I spent half my time jumping over puddles and walking like I was wearing 6" heels, trying to not slide over and having horrible flash-back visions of an incident when I was 9 and I fell in a big muddy puddle, caking my beautiful blue duffle coat *Shudders*.

As well as moaning about the mud I REFUSED to use the port-a-loos. Even when I found the much nicer ones hidden in the quite posh 'folk music' area (why was that?!) Luckily I have the bladder of a camel. Not in a jar or anything.

It may sound to you that I just moaned all the time, au contre! I had great fun being out with adults for a change, although I did feel a bit of a disproving granny about the constant smell of weed everywhere. It was a family festival so kids were running about and I had an internal struggle with feeling all teacher-like and protective of the children around all the druggy-ness, juxtaposed with the desperate need to be as far from a child as possible on a day off. Every time I heard a jolly laugh or moan from a small person I wanted to dash in the other direction. Don't get me wrong, I do really love performing at parties and teaching children but my word I do not envy parents. I know I probably will change my mind soon enough - my friend Louise is very pregnant right now and she is convinced that I will end up with my equivalent of the Von Trapps. Hmmm I think 7 maybe a bit too many thanks very much.

I watched, amongst others: Tim Minchin, Jon Richardson and the very clever Abandoman, Irish impro hip-hoppers.

I did see an alarming amount of very 'loved-up' couples - I think the sunny weather brings them out. Now I normally would be oblivious to this in the same way that (bad analogy alert) someone over the age of 12 would walk past alphabetti spaghetti in the supermarket without noticing it; you had a it a while ago but you kind of grew out of it and got busy. But seeing it all around I started to wonder, what's so bad about pasta shaped like letters? Why do I choose hoops? I bet they taste the same. (Actually reading back this weak analogy I think it makes me sound like I had chosen to be a lesbian and now thinking of turning straight again which isn't actually my point). What I mean is I have been single for a long time. A long, long time. Out of no more reason than I've been a bit busy. At least I think that's the reason; it's been so long I don't really know why. At the festival there were couples just everywhere, including some incredibly new babies, and I did actually start to think, "am I missing out on something?".

All the romance of the day quickly faded though as, at one point whilst trying to watch Tim Minchin, I was treated to some inappropriate groping happening between a couple stood in front of me. That took the shine off it.